I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
