We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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