Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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