508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
