Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I believe in your delicious
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
