Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize