Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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