Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
