I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
