I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I want a musical about memes.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
