One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
worst night to have a conscience
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
