I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
