Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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