I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
