so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't deserve a penis
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
