What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
