True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
