oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
