I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
