Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
