I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
