Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
