I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This is my gift to your gina
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
COCAINE IS GR8
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
