can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
