I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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