Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
