the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
