Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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