We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I need to calm my uterus...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
