I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
