So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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