Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
