they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
