she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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