No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
