Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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