Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
