It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
