Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
