I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
