Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
