please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
