Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
