Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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