She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
