whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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