so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
