I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
