fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
