the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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