Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
